


all i can do is say that these arms were made for holding you

by icebucky



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Dean, Destiel - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, High School AU, Human AU, Lawyer Sam, M/M, Musician Dean, Shipper Sam, Slow Burn, Top Castiel, bachelor party shenanigans, cas is another groomsman, claire is cas' little sister, dean is the best man, director Cas, sam gets married, sam jess charlie jo kevin claire alex and gabriel are the shipper squad, they're famous now but they dated before they made their big breaks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-28 12:37:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6329515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icebucky/pseuds/icebucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean gets a call from Sam in the summer of 2012, telling him that his little brother is getting married, and that he's going to be spending a whole lot of time with his ex-boyfriend, Cas, there.</p><p>It'll be fine, they think. They're adults, it's been fifteen years, they were kids when they were together. They've moved on.</p><p>But of course, it never works out the way we think it will, does it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is a fic that I've been thinking about for probably a year now, and I know I'm terrible at actually writing consistently and posting chapters, but I PROMISE that this time it'll actually be frequent.
> 
> In any case, I'm also going to be making a playlist for this fic, and if you've noticed, the title is a lyric from "18" by One Direction, which is basically the anthem for this song. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this as much as I loved writing it!!!!

**NOW**

The phone rings.

"Hello?" Dean can hear his assistant answering it in the other room, which means someone left the door open, which means that  _someone_ (i.e., Kevin) wasn't paying attention when he asked that the door stayed closed.

He doesn't mean to be one of those bosses, but when he's working, he needs the maximum amount of silence to be able to put out the best product.

Dean frowns. Kevin should know that. They've been working together for almost a year, and Dean's been churning out songs for his next album the majority of that time. Something's up.

Kevin's still talking, which means that the person one the line is someone that Dean actually might care about. From what Dean can hear, Kevin's trying to persuade them to call back another time, and judging from the flustered tone of his voice, he's not getting anywhere.

With a gusty sigh, Dean stands and makes his way out to the kitchen.

Sure enough, Kevin is standing at the island, pinching the bridge of his nose in his hand, clearly trying to get somewhere with the person on the other end. He turns as soon as he hears Dean come in, and throws him a pleading look.

"Uh, actually, he just walked in, so, um -" In lieu of actually ending the conversation, Kevin shoves the phone at Dean and practically runs out of the kitchen.

Dean chuckles under his breath and puts the phone to his ear. Kevin's a sweet kid, but he's pretty unassuming at times, and it's hard for him to argue with the demanding people he has to talk to in his job description.

He clears his throat. "This's Dean," he says, realizing that Kevin never told him who he was talking to.

"Dean?" comes the breathless reply.

Dean pauses, furrowing his eyebrows and leaning against the counter. "Sammy?" Sam never calls him in the mornings, especially not during the week. Dean glances at the clock; it reads 6:07 a.m. Especially not  _this_ early in the morning. "Is everything okay? You never - what's going on?"

"Dean," Sam says again, and this time it sounds like he's trying not to grin. "Dean, she said yes. I'm getting married."

"What?" Dean replies eloquently, a grin breaking out on his face. "Holy shit, Sam, that's incredible! Jess is amazing, I'm happy for you."

He can hear Sam's smile in his voice, he can tell that Sam is absolutely bursting with happiness. "Thanks," he says, his voice a little shaky. "I can barely believe it, I'm just. Wow. But I, uh, I wasn't just calling to tell you that. Um," Sam pauses, and Dean can picture his brother running a hand through his hair nervously. "I was hoping that you'd be my best man."

Dean knew, of course, that Sam would ask him this one day. He's known this for years. Still, he's just so -  _touched_. "Sammy, I -" he starts, and then sniffs awkwardly. "Of course. I'd love to. God, I'm so  _proud_ of you."

"Thank you," Sam says softly, and Dean presses the phone closer to his face, as if he could hug his brother that way.

"So, uh, when's the engagement party? I fully expect to throw it, no one throws a party like your big brother, huh? And it's my job as the best man to start planning, don't even try to argue with me on this."

"We haven't decided yet, but yeah, if you want to take care of it, that would be awesome. I'm working on a huge case right now, you'd be saving my ass." They laugh lightly, Dean picking at a cuticle on his thumb. "Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you - would you be okay if -" and Sam mumbles something so quickly that Dean can't figure out what he means in the slightest.

"What?"

"I was. Shit. I was wondering if maybe you'd be okay if I asked Cas to be in the wedding party too. I want him to be one of my groomsmen."

There's silence.

Dean's aware that he should reply, he should say something, he should reply to Sam, but Sam said it, he said That Name, and he feels like there's a metal hand squeezing his heart and twisting it.

For a second he swears he can feel his heartbeat in every nerve of his hands.

"D-dean?"

"Yeah," Dean breathes, suddenly aware that he's been silent for nearly thirty seconds.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked, I should have known you wouldn't be okay with it, I won't ask him, just forget I said anyth-"

"Sam," Dean rushes out, clenching his fist. "No. Stop. You don't ever,  _ever_ have to change something on account of me. He's one of your best friends, we've known him forever. Forget the history, just ask him. It's fine."

He thinks that Sam isn't breathing on the other end, waiting to say something before he's sure that Dean won't change his mind. "Are you sure?"

Dean shuts his eyes. "I'm sure."

Sam breathes a sigh of relief and launches into an explanation of how he proposed and the way everything happened, and Dean's only half listening.

He'd be lying if he said he hasn't thought about Cas in a long time, but now is the first time he's allowed those thoughts to wander.

 


	2. Chapter 2

******THEN**

"You look stupid with your hair like that."

Dean doesn't look up. "Shut up."

"No. I'm serious," Cas says, jumping down from the table and getting his camera. "Your hair looks so stupid I have to document this. You look like a Backstreet Boy."

Dean looks up at that. Cas has his Polaroid slung around his neck, a grin on his face, and as soon as Dean turns his face towards him, he takes a picture.

"Dude," Dean objects, in an only mildly irritated tone. "Why do you always do that when I'm not ready?"

"Because you, Dean Winchester, are simply the most photogenic boy I have ever had the fortune to encounter," Cas replies mildly, hopping back onto the table and swinging his legs. He pulls the undeveloped picture out of the slot and shakes it.

Dean watches him.

"Don't you dare," Cas says, and Dean jumps a little.

"Don't I dare what?"

"Don't you dare try and take it. I know you will. You have that look."

Dean frowns. "What kind of look is that?"

"You know," Cas says, shifting his legs. "That look. The one where you get all pensive and you look like you're about to fight someone." Dean narrows his eyes and flicks his gaze between Cas' face and the Polaroid picture. " _That_ look, that one, right there!"

Dean throws his hands in the air, leaning back. "That's my face, you dumbass!"

Cas doesn't reply, he just slowly, deliberately, lifts the camera and takes another picture.

"You're a dick," Dean says, crossing his arms and attempting to fight his grin.

"Suck me, then," Cas deadpans, looking down at the photo coming out of his camera. He doesn't see the contemplative look that Dean throws his way.

They're at Dean's house, in his backyard, and Dean's supposed to be doing homework, but he keeps getting distracted. Cas, meanwhile, never has to do homework at all - he always seems to be able to finish it five minutes before class and get perfect scores. In any case, he's paying attention to Dean's Backstreet Boy hair and his camera, which is nothing new.

Cas crosses his legs and looks over at Dean. He's still sitting on the table, opposite from the other boy, who's bent over his paper and peering at the book sitting next to it. "You know," Cas begins, "If you let me help you with that, you'd finish faster."

Dean doesn't look up, but the corner of his mouth curls up.

"Dean."

"What?"

"Why do you have to make everything I say into an innuendo?"

Dean laughs at that, and Cas wants to take another picture, but he knows that Dean would hide his face.

"Because everything  _is_ , Cas." He closes his book and stacks his papers together. "Besides, if I didn't, who would?"

Cas smiles. "I'm sure I've picked up on enough from you over time to be able to make your jokes for myself."

"But where's the fun in that?" Dean looks up, and Cas reaches out and pats his hair.

"If you curled it, it could almost be Justin Timberlake's ramen noodle hair."

Dean pushes his hand away, grinning. "Shut up."

There's a moment, right there, when Dean's hand is on his wrist, that Cas thinks that something changes. For a second, an almost imperceptible slot of time, things shift between them. It's like the air is thicker, and he tries to breathe, but he can't quite get his lungs full of oxygen.

Then the back door opens, they hear Sam say, "Hey," and the moment is gone.

Dean clears his throat. "Yeah?" he says, turning to Sam.

Cas' hand retreats back to his lap. When he looks over, Sam is looking back and forth between them, as though he's seeing something that isn't there. "Uh... Mom's looking for you, Dean. Something about the car."

"Shit," Dean says, standing. "I forgot to take it to get an oil change. Jesus Christ, does Dad know?" he asks, turning to his younger brother.

"I don't think so. He's not home," Sam says, and as Dean darts inside, he directs his attention to Cas. "Hey, Cas."

"Hello, Sam." Cas stands and walks over to the younger boy. "How was school?"

"Fine. I wish I had a free last period like you guys do."

Cas smiles. "No, you don't. Besides, if you did you'd just be hanging around Dean and I, and I'm pretty sure you have better things to do."

Sam snorts. "Yeah, I have enough trouble watching you two flirt on the weekends, I don't need to see it every other day after school, too."

Cas, who was looking down at his camera, snaps his gaze up to meet Sam's eyes. "What?"

Sam shrugs. "What, you didn't realize that's what it looks like? You guys are pretty obvious. I mean, it's been like this since before you hit puberty."

Cas furrows his brow. "Dean's my friend. That's it." No, that's not it, a small voice in the back of his head says. That's not it, because Dean's hair may be stupid and blond right now but Cas likes it. That's not it, because Dean is the prettiest boy Cas has ever seen and he likes taking pictures of him. That's not it, because Dean has a beautiful voice and plays guitar and Cas is the only one allowed to hear him perform. That's not it, because something changes when they touch sometimes, and Cas doesn't know what to call it, but he doesn't want to say it's something more than what it is.

So for now, Dean's his friend. And that's it.

"Whatever you say, Cas," Sam says, smiling, and steps inside, Cas following him.


	3. Chapter 3

**NOW**

The phone rings, but Cas is on set, so he ignores it.

Two hours later, the phone is still ringing, and by the time he's satisfied with the scene they've been shooting, Claire throws it at him as soon as he's clear of the machinery.

"Someone clearly wants to get ahold of you," she says dryly, not flinching as he fumbles with the phone and drops it.

Cas clicks the home button and almost does a double take. Sam's called him six times in the past hour.

He can't help himself; the first thing he thinks is  _someone's sick_ and the second is  _Dean_.

His third thought is a stern mental reprimand for immediately thinking about Dean.

Cas clears his throat. "Thanks," he tells Claire, who just raises an eyebrow at him and goes back to sitting in his director's chair and texting her girlfriend. He steps back to call Sam back, watching her sitting and looking as though she'd rather be anywhere else. It isn't often that he has the time in his schedule to have Claire come on set, especially since she's finishing up her senior year, but for some reason, their parents decided that for her birthday this year, they were sending her to spend some quality time with her older brother.

Cas is sure that she'd rather go to a Panic! At The Disco concert or something, but he hadn't been in control of the situation.

In any case, he doesn't really have time to think about it now. He glances back over his shoulder at Claire, who's looking supremely uninterested in the lead actor, who seems to be chatting her up. Cas frowns slightly, half thinking about going back and telling that guy to fuck off, when his phone rings again.

"Hello?"

"Cas?"

"Sam. Hi. I'm sorry, I'm on set, that's why I've been missing your calls."

"It's okay, really, I shouldn't have called you so many times," Sam rushes out, and Cas notices how breathless and nervous he sounds. He sounds how he did when he was sixteen and asking Cas how to give a blowjob ( _because I can't talk to Dean about that, Cas, don't you know how weird that is?_ ).

Cas narrows his eyes in Claire's direction, and as if she can feel his gaze, she looks over her shoulder and throws him a pleading glance. He starts to head over in her direction.

To his pleasure, the guy talking to her straightens up and seems to be giving her a hasty farewell, sending an almost frightened look towards Cas. "What's going on, Sam? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm better than fine, actually, I'm getting married."

Cas stops, a grin breaking out on his face. "Are you serious? Sam, I'm so proud of you!" Claire gives him a questioning look, and Cas whispers, "Sam's getting married." She nods and goes back to her phone.

"Yeah, I, uh, I asked her last night, and she said yes, can you believe it?"

"Of course I can believe it, you're amazing," Cas says softly, smiling. "So is Jess, I'm so glad you two found each other."

"Thank you," Sam almost whispers, and Cas can hear him sniff a little. "Um, I was also wondering if you'd be one of my groomsmen."

"What?" Cas almost chokes. "Oh my god, Sam, I'd be honored."

"Thank you," Sam says again, "but, uh, there's a slight catch."

"Oh?"

"Um, I'm sure you've probably guessed already, but, uh, Dean's going to be my best man."

"Oh," Cas says again, clearing his throat. "Yeah, I figured." He pauses. "It's fine, though. Don't worry about us, Sam, we're grown-ups."

"Okay," Sam says, breathing a sigh of relief. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Sam, I'm sure. Do you have a date yet?"

"No, not yet, the only date we have so far is the engagement party. September 8th, Dean's throwing it. Can you come?"

Cas doesn't even need to look at his calendar for this one. "Of course I can. We finish shooting at the end of August, and I'll be back in California by the 1st."

"Great," Sam replies, and Cas can visualize Sam noticeably relaxing at the thought that his two best friends are going to be there. Out of the corner of his eye, Cas can see his assistant gesturing to him that they're going to be starting again soon.

"Hey, Sam? I gotta go, we're setting up for the next scene. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Sam says. "Thanks again, Cas. I can't wait to see you."

"You too," Cas answers. "Bye."

"Bye."

Cas hangs up the phone and heads back over to the set, kicking his director's chair so that Claire will get out. "So what's the news?" she asks, without moving.

"Get out of my chair."

"You didn't say please."

"I'll sit on you."

Claire shoots him a dirty look and stands. "Is Dean going to be at the wedding?"

Not looking at her, Cas replies, "Yes. He's Sam's best man."

"Are you going to talk to him?"

"I'm going to have to."

"What are you going to say?"

Cas sits, putting his phone in his pocket. "That depends on what he's going to say."

Claire scoffs, and Cas tries to focus on the scene coming together in front of him, and not on Dean, but it's harder than he thought it would be.


	4. Chapter 4

**THEN**

It's a particularly windy day, which wouldn't ordinarily bother Cas, but when he's interrupted by a piece of paper flying into his face, he's had enough.

"What the  _fuck_ ," he says, pulling the bright pink leaflet out of his mouth.

He can hear Dean laughing. "It's a good look for you," he says, taking the paper out of Cas' hand. "Here, I'll make it into a crown."

Dean flattens out the piece of paper and looks like he's about to actually make a crown before he pauses. "What?" Cas asks, turning to look at it.

"Nothing, it's just another ad for the prom." He proceeds to fold it into a vaguely hat-like shape.

"Oh," Cas says, adjusting the strap of his backpack. He checks his watch, they still have ten minutes before school officially starts. After what seems like an overly long period of time, he finally asks, "Did you - are you planning on going?"

"Going to what?" Dean asks absently, sitting down on a nearby bench to concentrate on his crude origami.

"Prom," Cas answers, sitting down next to him. "I'm sure someone's waiting for you to ask them."

Of course he's sure of that, seeing as he'd like to go with Dean, but Cas won't ever say anything.

"I dunno," Dean says, and he keeps speaking, but Cas' train of thought has already left the station.

Ever since Sam said that they looked like they were flirting the other day, Cas can't seem to get it out of his head. He'd never really thought about it like that before, but now... Now it's something that seems to always have been there.

He knows that he doesn't like girls. He never has, despite the fact that they've always liked him. Dean used to tease him about it, saying that it was because of his good facial structure.

Come to think of it, Cas isn't even sure he likes guys. He certainly doesn't fantasize about them, and he doesn't even have the desire to go buy porn. He tried it once - some magazine that Gabriel had under his bed - but it didn't do anything for him.

Cas' confusion has been coming to the front of his mind more often lately, especially because of what Sam said. It  _has_ always been like that, he thinks, glancing over at Dean's paper folding skills next to him. He doesn't like guys, he doesn't like girls, he just likes Dean.

He jolts back to reality as he hears Dean saying, "- so if you don't wear this for the rest of the day I'm not gonna drive you to work for a week." Dean shoves the odd little crown on top of Cas' head and grins lopsidedly. "You look like a princess."

"Thanks," Cas says flatly, standing and holding the crown to his head so that it doesn't blow off with the wind. "I'm sure the common people will see this as a sign that they need to immediately give me power."

Dean snorts. "Okay. Good luck in class, princess." Cas gives him a sarcastic two fingered salute and walks off.

For a minute, Dean's alone.

But then the grace period ends as he hears someone calling his name. He turns, seeing Lisa Braeden tottering towards him on her ridiculously high heels. Why anyone would wear heels to school is beyond him, but he refrains from comment. "Hey, Lisa," he says, pasting a smile on his face. She may be beautiful, but the few dates that they've been on over the past school year have always seemed a little vacant.

"Dean!" she says again, coming up and standing far too close to him. She stops, straightening his collar and smiling at him. "Do you have any plans this weekend?"

"Uh, not really," he says, scratching the back of his neck and using the pause as an excuse to look off. "I mean, Cas and I have plans tonight, but other than that..."

He can see Cas about to enter the building, and he turns around right at the door. For a moment, even though Cas is across the yard, Dean thinks he can see Cas frown slightly, but he shrugs it off and turns his attention back to Lisa.

She convinces him that they should go out to see a movie on Saturday night (the new  _Jurassic Park_ ) and bounces off to class. Feeling remarkably optimistic about the rest of the day, Dean heads off towards the doors.

He doesn't notice to crumpled pink crown sitting on the ground by the school doors.

***

"So I'm going out with Lisa tomorrow night."

Cas blows out smoke from the joint and passes it back to Dean. He watches the cloud swirl up towards the stars, then replies, "Do you think she'll blow you?"

Dean laughs, and Cas can hear him inhaling. "Nah," he says, and then he blows out the smoke as well. "Or if she does, it better not be during the movie. I'm not missing out on dinosaurs for an orgasm."

Cas chokes on the weed. "That's a sentence I never thought I'd hear you say."

"I'm serious, man," Dean says, fidgeting so that he's lying in a better position on the roof. "I can come on my own, I don't need her sloppy technique."

"Maybe you should teach her how to do it," Cas says lightly, and Dean turns to look at him.

"I'd have to practice before I give lessons," he replies. "I haven't blown anyone since eighth grade."

Cas chuckles. "I remember."

That had been an eventful night. One that they hadn't talked about since then. Cas is surprised that Dean has even referenced it now.

Dean clears his throat. "The stars look good tonight."

"It'd probably be better if we could turn off the streetlights," Cas says. "I'll get Gabe's airsoft gun."

Dean laughs and sits up, grinding out the joint and flicking it off the roof. "Are you sure your parents don't know we're up here?"

"Are you kidding?" Cas asks, sitting up as well. "They didn't hear us that time we had sex up here after the eighth grade dance, did they?"

Even in the dark, he can see Dean blush. "We never talked about that, did we?"

"No, we didn't," Cas says, picking at a cuticle on his thumb. "I seem to recall you saying that it 'never happened'."

"Well, I guess it did," Dean says, and he doesn't look at Cas.

"That's the first time that you -" Cas begins. "Never mind."

"No, it's okay," Dean says, finally meeting Cas' eyes. "I know it was years ago, but - it was good. You were good."

"Thanks," Cas says, looking down. "For a virgin messing around with his best friend, you were pretty good too." He pauses, then says, "You know she's angling for prom queen, right?"

Dean snorts. "Yeah, I know. But hey, with her popularity and my stunning good looks, we're pretty much guaranteed the crowns, right?"

"Your humility never ceases to astound me."

Dean smiles at him, then lies back down to look at the stars.

Cas lies down too, but he's not watching the sky.


	5. Chapter 5

**NOW**

About a month has passed since Sam first told him the news, and Dean has launched into full planning mode. Sam's told him that they've hired an actual wedding planner, but he's taken charge of all the parties.

Dean's oddly proud of the engagement party that he's coordinated, what with the menu and the locale and the very tightly controlled guest list. Kevin's been mocking him gently for being so anal about everything, but he just wants everything to be perfect for Sam and Jess.

And sure, the looming threat of Cas' presence at the party has been lurking in his thoughts for some time, but at least he's been allowing himself to get used to the idea. After all, Cas is one of Sam's groomsmen, he's going to be at every single event that they're putting together for this wedding.

In any case, the engagement party is this weekend. Sam and Jess are coming down from San Francisco today, and Dean is hit by the sudden realization that his house is completely unprepared for guests.

As if on cue, the doorbell rings, and Dean falls out of his chair.

"I got it!" he hears Jo shouting from downstairs.

"Thanks!" he yells back, getting up and shutting the door to his office before heading down the stairs.

When he gets there, Sam and Jess are already hugging Jo and Sam's setting their bags down in the foyer. He looks up when Dean enters the room, a grin spreading over his face. "Dean!" he calls, and Dean's reminded of when Sam was in high school and he would come home every so often to visit.

"Hey, Sammy!" he answers, and he can't get through the sentence without laughing. "It's so good to see you, man!" Dean wraps his arms around his little - yet irritatingly taller brother, and Sam does what he's always done, which is to curl himself into Dean and press his cheek into Dean's neck.

"I'm  _so happy_ to see you," Sam says, and for once, Dean's going to let him have this squishy moment.

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too," Dean replies, releasing his grip on his brother and turning to Jess.

"Jess," he says, holding out his hands and drawing out the word, "your chances to finally make it with the more attractive brother are almost gone, you sure you're going to marry this nerd?"

"Oh, Dean," she smiles, embracing him. "You always know what to say."

He laughs, and once they've released their grips on each other, he grabs a bag to take up to the guest room. "Well, uh, should we get you guys settled?

"Oh, shit, I forgot, I have to be... somewhere," Jo quickly says, grabbing her keys and running out the door.

Sam looks after her and huffs a laugh. "You'd think someone with her work ethic would be okay with helping to carry a bag up the stairs."

"Nah, I don't think her tiny little model arms can handle it," Dean replies, earning a punch on the shoulder from Jess.

Dean leads the way up the stairs, and Sam and Jess launch into a description of their trip down to LA, complete with where they stopped for breakfast (somewhere that sounds far too healthy for Dean). "Uh, who's taking care of the dog?" Dean interrupts. He'd never admit it, but he actually likes Sam's Golden Retriever, even though he'd never let him ride in the car.

"Bones? Oh, our neighbor's watching him, since we're only going to be gone for the weekend. I feel a little bad, he wanted to come," Jess says, setting a bag down on the guest room bed.

"He'd freak out at the party though, Jess."

That brings Dean's thoughts back to the events of tomorrow. "Oh, the party. I know you basically gave me creative control, but if you want to go over the plans I have so far -"

"Dude," Sam says, holding out a hand to stop Dean from talking, "we trust you. Or," he continues, glancing at Jess, "I do."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asks indignantly, mock-glaring up at her fiancé.

"Just that I don't know how particular you are about the engagement party; we haven't even made any real decisions about the wedding, so I don't know how much of a Bridezilla you are."

"Do I - do I detect a hint of  _fear_ in your voice, Samuel Winchester?" Jess asks, and Sam's eyes widen.

From behind her, Dean whispers, "Good luck, Sammy," and backs out of the room, giggling.

A moment later, Jess follows him and he takes her on a tour of the (entirely too large and expensive, why did he get this?) house. When Sam catches up to them, they play rock-paper-scissors until the winner decides on where they go for lunch, and head out.

***

Although Dean has had this party planned out for several weeks, it doesn't stop him from worrying as the entire event comes together on Saturday. The caterers arrive at about midday to begin using his kitchen to whip up the hors d'oeuvres, and Dean's left to sit in the backyard with his guests and chat about their lives.

He tries not to think about everything that could go wrong, about the people who are going to see his notoriously private house, about his parents arriving later, about Cas coming to the party. No, correction, he sternly reminds himself, it's the Novak family. To say that Cas was the only one coming would be stressing himself out unnecessarily.

Still, he can't help but worry as the sun sets and people start arriving. Of course, his parents get there first, about two hours before everyone else, fresh from LAX. his mother squeezes the life out of him and then goes to gush over her baby boy and Jess, and his father smiles at him, eyes crinkling, and shakes his hand firmly before stepping inside.

They're closely followed by family friends Ellen and Bobby, Jo's mother and stepfather, and then Jo and her girlfriend Charlie arrive with Kevin.

Sam and Jess' friends pour in until the house is pleasantly full, though at a level that has Dean's introverted tendencies itching to act up, and Dean has assumed the role of passive host, until there's another knock at the door and his heart jumps into his throat.

"Shit," he whispers under his breath, and from across the room, he can see Sam start to make his way over to him.

"I got it," he says, squeezing Dean's shoulder gently.

Dean follows his brother to the door anyway, biting his bottom lip and trying to act as though the only remaining guests who haven't arrived yet won't make an impact in how the night goes.

Sam opens the door, and there's an explosion of sound, which indicates that Gabriel's the one in the front.

Dean inches forward, and when he finally gets within sight of the family on the front step, he's actually taken aback by how different everyone looks.

There's a man a few years older than Dean hugging Sam on the front step who is supremely dwarfed by the latter's massive frame, and when he pulls back there's a smile on his face and a mischievous glint in his eye. Next to him is a tiny blonde girl with her arms crossed, wearing a large black and white flannel that looks like it would be from a thrift store, if Dean hadn't spotted the Adidas label on the bottom; behind her is a tall and willowy woman with dark red hair and a dazzling grin, and next to her is a young man in his early twenties who looks vaguely like Peter Pan and who Dean is surprised to see out of his hot dog stand uniform, even though that was years ago.

The Novak family files in, hugging Sam one at a time, and then Dean sees him.

He didn't realize how long it had been until he looked at him again.

Shit, he hasn't... he hasn't seen Cas since Sam's graduation. Not even his graduation from law school, his graduation from  _college_. And that was - Dean pauses, a bit taken aback - that was seven years ago. He hasn't seen Cas for seven years.

He looks good, Dean thinks weakly, taking him in. Cas looks fucking incredible, honestly; he's really grown into his jawline and his dark hair is a mess and Dean would make fun of him for it but it suits him in a very creative way. He's wearing a tie and as soon as he sees Sam his face breaks into a grin, a natural and easy one, and Dean watches as his little brother sweeps Cas up into a hug that makes him wish more than ever that there was no awkwardness.

It's not that he doesn't want to see Cas. In fact, he likes seeing Cas very much. But Dean knows that he can't see Cas without seeing what happened that summer after high school, and he can't see those events without having to physically clear the air of all the discomfort that comes from the two of them being in the same room.

Suddenly, Gabriel is patting Dean on the shoulder affectionately, grinning up at him (he's so short, sometimes it baffles Dean), saying, "Long time, no see, Dean-o, when're you coming back to visit me in Vegas?"

Dean laughs easily, breaking out of his reverie. "Gabe, you know I've been working on the new album. I can't just drop everything and head off to Vegas, I'm on a schedule."

"Hey, now," Gabe says as they make their way into the living room, throwing his hands up, "you need to tell those execs keeping you on a leash that they can't rush art. How are you supposed to make a good record if you can't even relax?"

"Fair point," Dean answers, and directs his attention to the other Novaks. "Anna," he says, holding out his arms for her. She steps into his embrace quickly, and lets go at the same pace.

"It's great to see you, Dean," she says, her smile a little frosty. Dean's pretty sure she hasn't forgiven him for what happened with Cas and for never really having an interest in her either. She pauses, seemingly at a loss for words, then says, "Did anyone tell you that Samandriel graduated college?"

"An _na_ ," her younger brother whines, stepping forward. Dean can now see that he has a large gift in his arms. "Stop talking about me, I won't have anything to say in conversations." He stops, then says, "Hi, Dean. Where can I put this?"

"Uh, there's a table down the hall. You might have to put that one on the floor, though." Samandriel nods a thank you at him and heads off towards the other presents.

"I'm gonna go see who else is here," Anna says, after a sufficient moment of awkwardness. Gabe clears his throat and looks around, then grabs his youngest sister and pulls her over to him.

"Dean, do you remember Claire?"

Dean takes a look, out of the corner of his eye he can see Sam has closed the door and is getting Cas a drink from the bar on the other side of the room. "Oh. Hey, Claire," he says, suddenly positive that the last time he saw her she had been probably five years old. "I, uh, I don't think I've seen you for probably ten years."

She furrows her brow. "How old do you think I am?"

Dean's eyes widen, and he throws Gabe a bewildered look. "Um... I dunno... teenager... ish?"

"Amazing," Claire replies, drawing out the word. "I'm gonna go."

"Yeah, she's like that," Gabriel says, smiling fondly after her. "Cynical and rude, the best combination. You missed her during her truly awful years, though, god, you would have hated her. Drink?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," Dean says, following Gabe over to the bar. He clears his throat when they get there, meeting Sam's eyes over Castiel's head. "Cas."

"Hello, Dean," Cas says, resolutely staring down at his drink.

"Uh, you know what, Cas?" Sam says, touching his friend's arm lightly and then straightening up. "I should go find Jess, she's probably drowning in the interrogations over there, I'm just -" and like that, he's gone.

"Nice," Cas snorts, and Dean laughs lightly too, turning to make a comment to Gabriel. But almost as though Gabe and Sam had been on the same telepathic wavelength, the spot next to Dean is empty too.

"We seem to have been ditched," Cas says dryly.

"Yeah, I guess."

One of the longest pauses that Dean has ever experienced in a conversation stretches on between him and Cas, until they both blurt out an absurd sentence at the same time.

"So, Oscar winner, that's great."

"I heard you were Harry Styles' sugar daddy."

Dean almost chokes. "No, I'm - we went out to lunch  _one time!_ "

Cas raises an eyebrow. "That's not what  _I_ heard." He takes a sip of his drink. "I heard," and here he leans in, "I heard that you were on the yacht in St. Barth's, around New Year's."

Dean's sure the expression on his face is ridiculous, but he manages to splutter out, "Do you - do you believe all the rumors in the tabloids?"

"No, of course not," Cas says airily, the beginnings of a smile lurking around the corners of his mouth. "I just like seeing you uncomfortable."

Dean stares at him incredulously for a second, before adding on, "You know, if anything, he'd be  _my_ sugar daddy, he has more money than I do."

Cas pauses, tilting his head. "Mmm, no," he begins, giving Dean a sweeping look, "you're way more daddy than him."

Dean laughs a little at that, a hint of a blush creeping into his cheeks. "I'll take that as a compliment, then."

"It was meant as one."

They stand still for another few minutes, surveying the crowd, and Dean has to stop himself from speaking several times. He has no idea what to really say, just that he resolutely does not want to talk about the past. Finally, they get over the wall and start talking about the movie business, and Cas graciously accepts Dean's congratulations for Oscar he landed for Best Director in his latest film.

"I did hear that you're on the road to a Grammy soon, good job."

"Thank you, but nothing's ever set in stone; Adele swiped Best New Artist from the Jonas Brothers a couple of years ago, and my money was on them."

Cas laughs at that, and it's almost natural between them for half a second. "I almost forgot about your thing for boy bands," he says, still smiling.

"How could you forget something like that when I'm Harry Styles' sugar daddy?"

Cas' mouth twists into a smirk at that. "Well, I've always been more partial to Louis, myself."

"Of course you are."

There's a pause, and they both take a drink. Dean clears his throat. "Well, I should probably talk to some other guests, I mean, I know it's Sam's party, but it's my house, and -" he looks across the room, "- my mom's gesturing to me, I gotta go."

"Okay," Cas says easily, leaning back against the bar.

"You're gonna be okay on your own?"

"Oh, Dean," Cas says, and Dean's not sure if he's being sarcastic or not, "you know I've always been fine when you leave."

"Okay," Dean says slowly, nodding and backing away.

He goes to talk to his mother, who ends up wanting to set him up with some nice girl she knows in the area (the daughter of some old business associate of his dad's), which he gently declines and swiftly changes the subject.

When he looks back across the room to the bar, Cas is gone, and Dean's not sure if the feeling in his stomach is one of relief or disappointment or some bizarre mix of the two.


End file.
